Dan Miller is the Associate Editor of The Flat Hat. He also uses an abacus and a sundial.

Critical Condition
Xbox can't touch Nintendo

By Sara Brady
Flat Hat News Editor.

I've heard a lot of fuss about the Xbox. The Xbox, in case you didn't know, is Microsoft's first video game system ‹ one that is more sophisticated than any system we've ever seen before. It has its own hard drive installed, as well as a 733 MHz processor, the most powerful CPU of any console. In other words, it's a smart machine. It got better SAT scores than you did.

Having given up video games when the Super Nintendo went obsolete, this newfangled technology frightens and intimidates me. Call me old-fashioned, but I think the heyday of video games was when players strove to defeat Koopa and rescue princesses. Yes, the real golden age of video games came with the eight-bit Nintendo. I'd turn down a chance to play on an Xbox any day for a good game of "Double Dragon."

I could go on forever about these games, but I think a few are especially noteworthy. First is "Contra," the easiest game to beat on the face of the Earth. Of course, it's only easy if you know the secret code (up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, B, A, select, start) that would give you 30 lives (plus three continues, which would give you 90).

"Contra's" story was indecipherable and, ultimately, irrelevant. It was merely a maelstrom of gunfire, tanks and fiery laser beams. Your muscle-bound character would shoot anything in sight. The bosses ranged from an orange giant that threw little discs at you, to a UFO that spewed mini-UFOs, and finally the boss, a giant heart with giant spiders covering it. The brainless pleasure of shooting things for no good reason and having completely random enemies gives the game an unexpected appeal.

"Bubble Bobble" was another classic. This game, which was intended for younger players, featured Bub and Bob -- two dragons who spit bubbles at their enemies. When the bad guys were successfully trapped in a bubble, one of the dragons would pop it, thus turning the bad guy into a piece of fruit, which was worth bonus points.

Like "Contra," the complete disregard to backstory, characters and logic in "Bubble Bobble" is exactly what made it great. You could make your own story to go along with the game or just sit there and play it, slack-jawed. You just know that inebriated computer programmers in Japan created the game.

The abstract nature of these games was beautiful. The creators weren't restricted by the bounds of logic and rationality. In "Super Mario Brothers" you can shoot fireballs by picking up a magic flower? Sure! You can hop down a tube and warp to a different world? Absolutely! You can double your size by grabbing a mushroom? Why not?

But not all Nintendo games are illogical and impossible to understand. "Ninja Gaiden" had average graphics, lousy player control and dull enemies. However, the cut scenes (the little bits of story between levels) made the game fun. I spent countless hours playing a game I was sick of simply in an attempt to find out what happened next.

The list goes on and on of great, nostalgic games. In "Marble Madness" you controlled a marble that rolled down hills in an attempt to get to a finish line. "Ducktales" and "Chip 'n' Dale Rescue Rangers" were outstanding adaptations of cartoons. "Spy Versus Spy" was one of the best two-player games around. The best games, though, were the Mega Man series, particularly "Mega Man 2."

So you high-tech junkies can have your "smart" video games. I'd still love to live in a 2-D world with my back issues of Nintendo Power.