Belle Penaranda is the Flat Hat Variety Editor. The computer lab isn't the only place Belle likes to shake her booty. She shakes it in the Flat Hat office all the time.

Critical Condition
CD Burning: art of cheap folks

By Belle Penaranda
Flat Hat Variety Editor.

It used to be that having a CD burner made you the coolest kid on the block. Now it seems that nobody buys albums anymore, because they're too busy copying. I have to admit that I've been sucked into this new wave of technology, and I don't mind it one bit. It gives me the chance to make mixes -- lots of them.

I've made plenty of mix CDs and tapes for friends. Maybe I'm one of those cheap people who sacrifices personal hygiene to save the $4 it takes to do laundry, but I think giving mixes is the perfect solution to any miser's dilemma. That is, of course, as long as you don't suck at making them.

The key to creating a perfect mix for someone is to include any songs that may be relevant to some point in your relationship. I remember when the punks who lived in the room above mine last year (who had a penchant for moving furniture at 4 a.m.) blasted Nena's "99 Luft Balloons" on repeat for 12 straight hours one night, which amused my roommates and I to no end. The song made an appearance on a tape I made recently for one of my roommates.

When you run out of such memorable songs, fill in remaining gaps with embarrassingly obscure bands like The Rocking Horse Winner or Tegan and Sara, which will undoubtedly succeed in making you look incredibly indie and original. Listening to weirdo bands is how I convince myself that I am cooler than everyone else, although it doesn't hide the fact that I am the biggest ABBA fan ever.

Weezer seems to be a staple for every mix ever made in history, so don't forget to add a little "El Scorcho" here and there. Absolutely anything by The Beatles also works.

Whatever you do, avoid sickeningly syrupy songs like "You've Got A Friend In Me" and that damned "Rainbow Connection" song at all costs. Nothing says "I love you" less than some muppet frog warbling "Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection ... the lovers, the dreamers, and me." Ugh.

I am particularly proud of the mix CD I made for one of my roommate's birthdays. The girl is utterly convinced that she will bear the children of Bono, the lead singer of U2, so I found a bunch of songs he did solo and with other musicians, and compiled a little soundtrack for her. She loved it.

See how simple it is to give a personal and inexpensive gift? You just need a couple of bucks for a blank tape or CD, some ideas and an hour or two of your time. Napster may be gone, but there are still several other excellent file-sharing clients out there to make your life a lot easier.

Don't get the impression that you always have to make these mixes for other people. I am constantly burning CDs for myself, as yet another way to waste my time. I didn't fork over $200 for my slow, crappy CD-R drive for nothing. The latest one I made features tracks by Jimmy Eat World, The Beach Boys, Nine Inch Nails and The Pixies. None of these bands sound at all like each other, but that's the beauty of it. You can make a mix based on some kind of clever theme, or the mood you're in, but my personal favorite is just throwing a bunch of songs haphazardly onto one CD. The end result tends to be hilarious.

I stopped making tapes for myself a few years ago, but I still have a massive collection of them from my days in middle and high school. Nothing beats the memories I dig up from hearing Third Eye Blind's "Semi-Charmed Life" that I taped off the radio in my freshman year of high school. I tend to rediscover all of those one-hit wonders too, like "Novocaine for the Soul" by the Eels and "Pepper" by the Butthole Surfers.

So, I'll still be waiting for some sensitive guy in a cardigan and corduroy pants to make me a really romantic mix tape. Meanwhile, I'll be wearing headphones at the computer lab, listening to my mixes and shaking my booty.